I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
