i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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