I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
So much Jack, so little girl.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
