Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
