All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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