Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
