saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
