I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
