mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
