I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
