At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
My vagina is very pro this idea
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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