If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
