I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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