We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
