I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
