So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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