ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
