I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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