there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
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I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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