Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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