Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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