yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he was CRYING into my vagina
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He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
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And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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