woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
