Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
