I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
