it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
