Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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