using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...