I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
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