I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.