I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.