I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize