So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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