you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
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Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
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The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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