Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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