The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
