to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
