Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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