How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
