I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
