He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Found the puke drawer
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
