Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Michael Bay diarrhea
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
