Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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