Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
