is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
