Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
