yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
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