I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
