With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
