I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
