you traded sex for a burrito?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
