I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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