You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
