Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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