I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
