Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
