I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
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