Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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