Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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