You can't special order awesome
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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