I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
