She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
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