We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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