Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
