; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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