soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
