Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
