Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
we made out on top of his cat.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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