I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
