one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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