Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
