I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
BRING THE BAGELS
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
