I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
