allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize