Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Every concussion has its silver lining
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
