I just threw up on my dentist
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Randomize
