I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
