While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
