I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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